Few things are as emotionally painful as the betrayal of an affair. Yet if this is the position you find yourself in, you’re far from alone. Infidelity is an all-too common occurrence; the latest estimates suggest that in one third of marriages, one or both partners admit to having had an affair.

If you are the betrayed partner…..

Your world has been flipped upside down and it feels like you’re on a roller coaster. You’re angry, furious, and yelling one minute, and anxious, crying, and seeking comfort from your partner in the next. You want to know all of the details at one moment and then want to block everything out the next. This is normal. Finding out that your partner went outside of your relationship is commonly experienced as a trauma, which is defined as situations that overwhelm our ability to cope. What makes it even more disorienting is that your partner is both the source of solution to the pain you are in. You wonder if your relationship can survive this and where to go from here.

If you are the partner who went outside the relationship…..

You are likely overwhelmed and hurting as well. You may be confused about why you had an affair, wondering “how did I end up here”?  You feel pain and shame as you see how hurt your partner is and you may be mourning the loss of your relationship with the affair partner. Your partner is furious with you and then comes to you for comfort and you don’t know what to expect from one moment to the next. You are overwhelmed and wondering, where do we go from here?

This doesn’t have to be the end

Despite the tremendous trauma that the discovery of an affair can bring, it doesn’t have to be the beginning of the end for your marriage or relationship. Many, many couples survive infidelity and come out stronger on the other side. Because the truth is, infidelity can often the result of unresolved yearning and longing for closeness elsewhere in the relationship, and an affair can become a catalyst for long-overdue conversations. We will help you have the conversations to determine which path is right for you.

Building a stronger bond

Affairs can come in many shapes and forms, particularly in today’s world. However, all forms of infidelity involve a breach of trust, and require help from a professional to address:

  • Staying together vs. separating

  • Healing as individuals & as a couple

  • Dealing with root causes of the affair and making sense of why it happened so that you can ensure it won’t happen again

  • Rebuilding trust and safety

  • Rebuilding your connection to each other

  • Rekindling your natural spark

  • Recommitment to your relationship

Whether an infidelity or affair has just been discovered or you can’t seem to get over an affair that occurred in the past, it’s never too early or too late to begin the process of healing individually and as a couple. It’s my job to guide you through this process:

  • Without shaming but with accountability

  • With empathy for each of you

  • By creating safety for both of you to process and work through your experience

Together, we’ll find a way to move forward.